I am, what may be considered, a mystic.
If you are not acquainted with what mysticism is about, a mystic is essentially a person who has a direct understanding beyond the normally man-invented religions. Mysticism is the conscious awareness of the ultimate reality, divinity, or God, through direct experience, intuition, instinct or insight.
I was raised in the Christian Orthodox faith. But I don´t take this or any other creed for granted. I question every religious allegiance.
I definitely don´t ascribe any meaning to any dogma – the exoteric sense of every religion
is to me totally futile.
Now…I have pondered deeply over all these years.
I believe in Christ but not in Christianity. Intuitively I would totally discard this faith if it wasn´t for certain mystics like Meister Eckhart, Teresa of Avila or John of the Cross.
I am rather intimate with their writings and have found
meaningful answers in their words.
But throughout all these years, in the worst moments of crisis, none of them have been
of any real avail.
I had to face darkness on my own. The Christian precepts couldn´t save me. Only Zen, and above all Krishnamurti, have been my trustworthy companions in this dark night of the soul which – imagine – has been going on since I was 21.
First now, at 50, I am slowly coming out of it.
However, when I think of the Cathedral in Chartres, or, for that matter, other magnificent achievements in art or music in Europe ever since, I cannot possibly dismiss the very fact that the great spiritual legacy of Europe has directly derived from the Christian faith.
Undeniably, Europe and its culture is directly connected with Christianity.
Yet Christianity – I mean the very breath of it – is dead. Had it been alive, I wouldn´t have encountered this harsh darkness in my soul all these years.
Despite living in the “modern world”, never renouncing it, I somehow lived like a recluse, and God knows how I made it through. As I said, there was no one there to guide me.
Now, Faith is nothing you word about. It is a vivid breath, an ineffable emanation of sorts.
A presence…
And here I come to what I want to point out:
I saw this documentary about a Russian woman living by herself in the wilderness of Siberia. It is overwhelming: her simplicity, her strength and endurance, her otherworldly smile, depth and wisdom…Really, it was staggering, I have never somehow seen this kind of Light anywhere…except maybe in certain paintings of the grand masters.
To quote her: “The godless science which has crushed man´s soul“…
She is a vivid evidence that Christianity, beyond its dogmatic flaws, is not
some kind of superstitious concoct, but something very “real”.
And it is here that I come to bluntly disagree with Krishnamurti who claims that man has invented churches, rituals and gods, as being nonsense.
The deep essence of Christianity is indeed no figment of some deluded minds, even if,
more often than not, it appears to be that way.
The most difficult task is to dig so deep back to the sources, into its primordial “breath” without turning into a hermit.
Living in the world, but not being of this world… – inhumanly precarious predicament.
For the ones interested to watch the documentary:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt2AYafET68
